This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
