I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wear drunk well.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
