atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
