i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
