i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
