I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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