For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
