Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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