I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
honey bunches of taint.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
