Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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