And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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