he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize