Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
