he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
