You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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