Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
