Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i drank out of a bidet.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
