I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
