So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize