i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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