Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
