I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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