I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
