Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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