Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He? As in you personified your dick?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
