just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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