Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize