I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
