when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
