you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize