I feel like I'm in dance class right now
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
tell me about the fingering
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