Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
two words: eviction party
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
