Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize