Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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