.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
MIDGETS
????
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
