So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize