you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
