I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
