I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
