I just saw a hot homeless man
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
