dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
