i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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