My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
