I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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