watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
whose parrot is this?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
