someone owes me an orgasm
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
