i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
