Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
