she takes plan B like it's going out of style
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
