After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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