hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
