That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
