I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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