Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
