ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
