they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
