If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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