The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
