dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
