Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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