I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She even gives head with a lisp.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
