11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
