We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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