it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
