Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize