Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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