shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We got so high we made milksteak
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
bring money and cleavage
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
