Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
