We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
