as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
