I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
