u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
