listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize