if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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