How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I need water and some morals
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
