i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
