are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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