ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
