oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
