My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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