I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I deserve this hangover.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
