Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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