I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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