We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
