At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
