we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
