Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
