at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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