'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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