He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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