3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
