just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
