i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
