somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
