i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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