Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
