Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
