It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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