"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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