nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
