im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
