Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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