o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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