can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
